It’s your birthday today. It would have been a big one. Your 30th. If things were as they should be, I know that I would have been baffled that you could be that old, because part of me still sees you in my head as that impish little girl who used to beg me to act-out Disney scenes with her, and to, “Read just one more chapter!”. We rarely got to see each other on our birthdays, but still we always remembered. Typically, I would shoot over amazon credit so that you could gorge on books, but I would like to think that we would have tried to get together to celebrate your third decade. My mind twists around images of a family dinner, or maybe even some girly escapade and fun sister time….but all of it is sweet “what ifs”. Instead, I have been giving you the only gift that I now can…..I have been thinking about you, and sending my love to you.
I would be lying to say that I have been handling things okay today. Really, the tears started yesterday, and have been creeping-up in sudden bursts since then. It’s as if all the progress I had made in the grief process has suddenly come undone…. but that is to be expected. It is your day, and thus, your loss suddenly is felt so acutely once again……for so very many of us.
Instead of thinking of the gifts that cannot be given to you today, I am trying to put my focus on all the gifts that we were given. On this day thirty years ago, a beautiful spirit was born. She was intelligent, loving, and feisty. She had a light-filled smile, and the sweetest, most contagious laugh. She filled our heads and hearts with wonderful memories….made us smile, laugh…. and love. Most especially, she gifted us with two precious children who have her brilliant blue eyes, and hold all that was most cherished by her. She left us with such a beautiful legacy of love, and taught us so much. We are the ones who have been gifted today, and every day.
I miss you so much Sissy. There are not adequate words to express the immense depth at which I love and miss you—the yearning, and brokenness that my heart feels in your absence. Thank you. Thank you for being my baby sister, for being everything that you were to everyone… for the love that you brought into our lives, and into our hearts. I hope that you feel all of the love being sent to you today, and that you know how much you are cherished. You always will be.
Happy Birthday Sweet Sister.